Covering the Dharun Ravi trial, the guy who set up the webcam in his dorm room to watch (and share) a feed of his roommate, Tyler Clementi, having sex with a man, I doubt he expected the outcome of his actions.
As the trial wraps up, there are a lot of things to think about here.
First, my view of the facts. I think Ravi probably was uncomfortable with having Tyler as a roommate. I think he didn't like having a gay roommate. Lots of people are uncomfortable with lots of things. Such is life. I do not think that is a crime.
I do think he set up a spy cam as his way to watch Tyler and possibly pick on Tyler for having sex with a man in their dorm room. I think he thought catching Tyler and his male friend having sex in their dorm room, and telling others how they could watch it, was something he thought would be funny. Perhaps a way to make fun of Tyler, probably with no intention of Tyler ever finding out.
Now, was it specifically because Tyler was gay? Maybe. Or maybe that the two just didn't get along, or one of many other reasons. Or maybe Ravi just likes to pick on people and Tyler became a victim because he was in the dorm room with him. Probably, we'll never know. But what we do know is what the outcome was.
A few days after Tyler found out that people were being told they could watch a video of him and his sexual partner, he killed himself. I am NOT saying the web cam incident caused him to kill himself. I am sure this was just one piece of a number of other issues he was already dealing with, and an emotional instability he'd probably been suffering with for years that culminated in his deciding to take his own life.
What do I think should happen in the case? My opinion really doesn't matter. After all, I'm not the jury. That's for them to figure out. But here's what it made me think about... unintended consequences.
I don't think Dharun had any intention of Tyler killing himself and having any part of that possibly attached to the webcam he set up. I have a feeling, even if he doesn't show a lot of emotion in the courtroom, the realization that his prank may have had something to do with Tyler killing himself had to punch him in the gut at some point. So, it makes me wonder about the unintended consequences of things I do.
We all pick on people. For some reason, we seem to generally put people down and pick on people as a society. It's a game. We always one up one another. But, what if? What if that person who may have even laughed when you picked on them, really is getting cut, even if slightly, by your words? One tiny scar might not be a lot, but if there are lots and lots and lots of tiny scars adding up, what kind of long-term damage is being done? I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a part of that.
I know I've made more than my fair share of putdowns. Not saying I would do something like Ravi did. I am not going to attack someone for their race, gender, sexual orientation, physical or mental limitations, etc. I actually tend to be the one who will stand up for the underdog and stop others from beating them down. But I still have picked on plenty of people in my day. And I know now there're things that I've sometimes said or done that it hurt people far more than I intended. Thankfully none of mine had extreme endings to their stories like this case.
I started making that realization a few months back, but this case made me revisit it. I've put a lot more time and effort into complimenting people more and picking on them less. And while I know I will not always be a perfectly kind and gentle person, and yes, I will most likely still do my fair share of picking from time to time, I do notice the same victorious feeling you can get from being able to one-up someone in a 'pick on' game can be felt when you lift someone up and see them react to your positive words. The only difference... with the positive words, you don't have to worry if you stepped over the line.
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